The Past Returns

I'm getting more accustomed to life out here in AA. Things are falling into place and that's always a good thing. I know where my classes are now and the bus system isn't so scary anymore...lol. But it does take awhile to get from one point to the next, so I believe I'll have to leave earlier than expected to get to places on time. I have a job now too! Thank goodness, I'll be able to work the weekends and one night a week at a cafe on campus. It shouldn't interfere with my study time because the hours are flexible and I don't have long shifts to work. I'm excited :) !!!

Guess what??? Today, the guy I could possibly say was my 'first love' contacted me. I remember when we first started 'talking', I talked to him about everything, all day - everyday. I think I was like 15 or 16yrs old at the time. He was my best friend. It seems like when I went off to HU that's when we really lost contact with one another. I would hear from him every now and then, but during those times we would get into arguments or something negative would happen. I honestly felt like he was shutting me out. I would call him and he wouldn't answer or call me back. He seemed angry with me and he changed. It was soo much tension between us, I didn't feel good about the situation, and it hurt me that he was no longer open with me. Granted, I did feel like we were growing apart and my feelings for him had changed. In between that time, I was 'dating' other people. But somehow I would always go back to him in my mind.

Anyway, a few years went by and we lost contact and next time I talked to him he told me he was married and had a daughter... I wasn't mad or upset or jealous, I was genuinely happy for him. However, I was again hurt because he never said anything to me. Again he completely left me out. I honestly considered him one of my best friends and that's something you share with your friends and loved ones.

Well, that was about two years ago and today he contacted me. He sent me pictures of his daughters and they're beautiful. I'm really happy for him. The reason I feel I want to pull away from him, is because I don't want to go there again and I am not one to play with fire. He's a married man now with children and I feel there comes a point when you out grow one another. He said some things to me today that make me think he still has those feelings from when we were younger and that is not going to work...lol. I'm single, no children, in school and we're on two different pathways in life. It took so much for me to let him and that situation go and sometimes I think these men want to pull you back in and I WILL NOT LET THAT HAPPEN...lol.

Of course we can be friends and share life's monumental moments, but lets leave it as that. I don't feel we should bring up the past because we're beyond that point now.

Why do relationships have to be soo complicated??? Oh well, such is life...lol.

~Lady